Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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