I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
