Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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