She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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