For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
COCAINE IS GR8
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
