my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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