i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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