Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
