My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize