Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
