I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
