There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
