2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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