hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
