I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have tasted many bathrooms
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
