I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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