Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
