I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
