yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
