I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
