By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
