someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
