i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
