Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize