those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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