i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
