sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
