It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
