Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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