Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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