TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
