i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
