Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
