I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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