her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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