so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
