I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
