Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize