i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You can't motorboat a personality
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
