Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
