It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize