Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so let's talk penis.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
