dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am naked and annoyed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
