The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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