I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
