i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
