this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
