This is not my ceiling
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Everclear isn't food dammit
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize