Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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