Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
then he tried to convert me to islam
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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