You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
