I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
