There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
