Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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