we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it penis luge time yet?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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