would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
