yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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