I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
