Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
