I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
