I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize