Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
