I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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