no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
