I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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