peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
