he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
