He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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