On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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